i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize