I'm so fucking centered right now
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
