How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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