I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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