So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
