im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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