Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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