I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
