After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
