my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
