Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
