youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
