The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
