So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
