we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
