My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
