dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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