Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
