What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
