If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
