Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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