so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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