I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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