no you cant smoke seaweed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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