I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
