You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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