I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
