I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
