I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My pussy is not your playground.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
