My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
