I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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