I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So much rum. So many feels.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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