I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
