then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
