I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
