wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
