even my farts smell like vagina
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
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