he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
