i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
