So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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