im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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