capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
