i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
