i would punch a child for taco bell
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize