Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
