Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my sisters under your porch take her home
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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