Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
