There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
