You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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