Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
