Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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