you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
