We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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