Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
