It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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