Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I had to cum in my sink.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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