the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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