I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
