this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
