There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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