as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
