do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
