Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
