8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
