Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
