You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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