Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
