I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
