I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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