did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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