oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
