So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
