you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
