seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
