At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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