is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
