He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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