I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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