You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
